Damn You, French Dress!

I was on my way to the library, really, I was. I just wanted to stop at Carrefour to see if they had those 100-pack tea lights I love. Having candlelight at home is one of those small indulgences that really make me happy. They didn't seem to have them anymore, so I was on my way into Beşiktaş when I remembered the discount designer dress place that was close by. I still need a dress for my cousin's wedding in Italy and I haven't felt very inspired to spend a day mall shopping. Since this was on the way, why not? I’ve wanted to write something about clothes and fashion here in Turkey (look for it on my Hürriyet Daily News blog soon), so I thought I might find some inspiration today as I shopped for a dress.

I walked over to the store and scouted the racks. Everything is arranged by color and the knee-length designer dresses (as well as the ball gowns) are in front and to the right when you walk in. We have stores like this in New York, racks and racks of designer dresses for 70% off or more. My favorite is Daffy’s, followed by Century 21’s Bay Ridge branch. The prices in New York are much, much better, but New York was not helping me today.

I decided to try three dresses and take some photos. I wanted to try some things with color – not black, not red and certainly, not white. Blue would be perfect, maybe even green. I flipped through the dresses. I picked three that didn’t inspire me with high hopes. Maybe I could write something funny, I thought.

I tried the first dress.

My niece dresses like this when she plays Disney princess dress-up. But where was her Bedazzler? This dress needs some rhinestones. Oh, and definitely some sparkles! I would accessorize with a wand. Or maybe, not.

Dress number two is a Halston dress.

Unimpressed. Yeah, me too. Does it look more like curtains or a bed sheet to you? I thought the off-the-shoulder action would give it a Godess-y, siren-y vibe. I was wrong.

And then came dress number three. Here it is on the hanger.

We’ve all known dresses like this. Whatevs. Am I right? Then, I tried it on.

It just needed my body to give it life. Damn you, French dress! You are way, waaaaaaay too expensive for me. But I can’t deny the way you make me look and what you make me feel. You make me want to pick up Saudi princes and [redacted] in airplane bathrooms. You make me feel like more of a woman than I can handle. You want things from me, no, demand things from me that scare me a little. And then I tried on the fuchsia shoes.

Oh, damn you, too, slutty, 1980s, fuchsia shoes.

The net-net:

Ariel’s Ballroom Dancing Dress: Dina Bar-El – 295TL (164 USD)
Halston Schmatta: Halston Heritage – 373TL (207 USD)
Damn You, French Dress: Vionnet – 510TL (283 USD)
Damn You, Goody Two-Shoes: Le Silla – 243TL (135 USD)

Not putting any of these on my credit card. Priceless. Though if you’re a Saudi prince or a Turkish millionaire, I’ll pour myself into the dress and gladly pour out some other ideas from my all-too-vivid imagination.